Sunday, March 25, 2012

It's a feeling. It will pass.

Every once in awhile, I get the feeling that I'm overwhelmed. That I'm alone in this world.

I've battled depression off and on for the longest time. I was 8 years old in 3rd grade when I first saw a therapist and was on Prozac. I never really took the pills (long story there) and eventually convinced my parents to make me stop going.

In high school, I managed everything OK - I played basketball which was my outlet. Every once in awhile though, I'd have a complete breakdown. Tears, yelling, screaming and overall anxiety. It usually happened when I was overwhelmed from school, basketball, working, and the boyfriend (now husband).

I was depressed during college. I lived 4+ hours away from home; at first in a trailer park and then in the ghetto (seriously). It was what I could afford since dorms weren't an option. I worked 40+ hours a week and 5 classes. I honestly don't know how I did it. But I did.

After Paige was born, I had PPD. I toughed my way through it. My OB prescribed something...don't remember what it was. I barely used it. Shortly after Paige hit a year, The feeling came back. I got frustrated with Paige's neediness. I was petrified of being alone with her. My PCP offered me medicine which I took. The depression/anxiety wasn't going away.

The feeling is creeping back right now. It has to do with the stress of my first vacation coming up in June. Hubby is testing for a job as a Corrections Officer Trainee and if he gets it, it means potentially HUGE changes for us.

For now, I'll see if I have any refills from my PCP. I'll go back if I need to. And I'll concentrate on the good things coming soon - Paige's second birthday, vacation, and BlogHer12.

Good things.

1 comment:

  1. Hi there! I'm new to your blog (found you through your guest post at ELF). I'm so sorry that you have to deal with depression. I think that it can often times feel very overwhelming being a Mommy and wife and that's without having to deal with depression on top of it. I hope that your medication helps. It's great that you are trying to focus on the positive. Seeing your little one's smile always helps :)