I'm having an internal
Two (separate) close friends who were both in our wedding party welcomed babies 6 days apart. I spent this past Saturday soaking up the beauty of holding newborns. I've always wanted two kids. ALWAYS. I was the oldest of four, my husband the youngest of three. Knowing this, I could never have one child.
At first, I was completely thrilled with Paige. She wasn't a horrible baby but she wasn't the easiest going either. I had my battles (PPD, breastfeeding, etc) and at my 6 week postpartum check-up, I had them put in the 10 year IUD so that there was no chance of repeating our surprise baby.
Now, as Paige gets more independent every day, I miss that newborn. The one who depended on me for everything. The one who I could put on the mat and she'd still be in the same position when I turned around.
Hubbs and I had originally made a deal that when I reached my goal weight, we'd have a second. I have done things here and there to get towards that goal weight, but I've never committed myself. But now with the desire to add to our family so strong what do I do?
I'm eating better for me, for my future child. I'm making myself walk more and plan on getting back into a routine very soon. But do I want to go full steam ahead and lose my weight then have to deal with putting it back on to struggle to lose it again? That's simply what I do not know. And what time will only tell.